Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Consumer Reports are a bunch of Morons.

H/T to Say Uncle

Consumer Reports puts out the list of the 10 worst built cars of 2012.  Here they are with selected criticisms, and my replies:

Cadillac Escalade:
CR:"...performing inadequately in accident-avoidance tests and for having the worst fuel economy in its class (at 13/21 mpg city/highway)".
That Guy: So you criticize a truck for being a truck.  They can't all be Toyota Camry's, CR.

Chevrolet Colorado/ GMC Canyon: 
CR:"...finding fault with their acceleration, engine noise, ride quality, braking, body flex and fit and finish."
That Guy: Again with being critical on trucks being trucks.  As for the fit and finish, well, that is a GMC hallmark.  If plastic stuff didn't break on it, you'd think it was a Toyota.

Chevy Tahoe/ GMC Yukon:
CR: "...was less enamored of their handling and braking prowess... poor accident-avoidance performance, low fuel economy (at 14/20 mpg), dismal overall value..."
That Guy:  CR, it's a TRUCK.  It has the aerodynamics of a cinder block, and handles like a cow.  That is what it does! 

Dodge Avenger:
CR:"...deficiencies with regard to engine noise, acceleration, braking, handling, transmission, fuel economy, driving position and rear visibility."
That Guy: OK, I had one of these as a rental, and the design team for that thing needs to be kicked in the balls.  Daily.

Dodge Ram 2500 Diesel:
CR: "...they criticized the Ram 2500 diesel’s ride and handling qualities, transmission performance, its noisy cabin and a too-high step-in height."
That Guy: Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot... So it drives like a truck and is noisy.  Well hold the presses!  You just figured out that a 3/4 ton diesel is a... get this... DIESEL TRUCK!

Jeep Compass:
CR:  "...was called-out specifically for its engine noise, acceleration, braking, cornering limits, driving position, front-seat comfort and rearward visibility."
That Guy: Yeah, you got me there.  If it was a 4x4, at least it would have an excuse.

Jeep Liberty:
CR: "...the Liberty received miserable marks for its ride, agility, braking, fit and finish and for having an uncomfortable front seat and too-narrow foot-wells."
That Guy: Again, this is a 4x4.  As for the cramped interior: yep-  It's like humans were an afterthought in that thing.

Jeep Wrangler Unlimited:
CR: "...CR criticized the vehicle’s harsh ride and handling abilities, its braking, wind noise, access, driving position and visibility, seat comfort and its fit and finish. It was also cited for inferior accident avoidance abilities and for being a poor overall value."
That Guy: Criticizing a Jeep for it's poor on-road handling , wind noise, etc... is like criticizing a Corvette for it's poor rock-crawling prowess, and all the weird noises it makes as it scrapes across the rocks.  As for being a poor value, name any other car that can be sold for MSRP when 2-3 years old.

Smart ForTwo:

CR: "...took exception with its acceleration, transmission, ride, agility and noise"
That Guy: Seriously?  That car should be sold in blister packs at the toy store, and you are critical of the wind noise?  I hate the Smart Car.  I think it is a glorified golf cart, but you guys are just getting silly with unrealistic expectations.

Toyota FJ Cruiser:

CR:"...suffers from among the worst driver visibility among all models. While CR did have kind words for its powertrain and off-road prowess, that apparently wasn’t enough to offset deficiencies in its ride, handling, wind noise, access and its fit and finish."
That Guy:  Visibility- Yep.  But that's because it is designed to survive roll-overs. 
But seriously- CR, you can Eff right off.  This is the last car that 'Yota makes that has any balls left and has not been turned into a Camry or Mini-Van.  Ride quality and handling?  It's a true 4x4 truck!  Wind Noise and Fit and finish?  The interior is waterproof and designed to be hosed out.   Insulation and anything other than hard plastic is outside of the design parameters.  

CR, you are idiots.


  1. OMGOSH! You had me laughing out loud with this post!

  2. I've driven a few of these and the ranch I worked at had the Dodge Ram 2500 Diesel. That was probably THE loudest truck I've ever heard. Also, it was seen as a feature.